Uncomfortable in a Comfortable World

I am currently reading Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, and I have been shook to the core. I don’t know how any people have read this book but I highly recommend it. I have not finished it yet but what I have gotten through has made me think a lot about my life and what I am doing. Although I know that college is important and I love where I am and what I am learning part of me thinks that there is something more. Something that I am not getting. Everyday I get out of my comfortable bed, go take a shower with hot, clean water that I don’t have to wait for, each meals in a dinning commons where I can be as picky as I want, go to classes that students are paying thousands of dollars for and sleeping through, and going to work in an office that is trying to get more people to join this community. When did I go astray? When did I forget that I am privileged to be in this school, in a family that loves me as much as they do and even in this country? Don’t get me wrong I know I am blessed and thank God for it everyday…but is that as far as it goes? Do I just have to be thankful for this world I live in and do nothing to give back? No, quite the contrary. I believe that because I have been so blessed in my life I need to remember the ones who are not as fortunate as me. But I feel so small. What can I do? Just little old me living in a Spring Arbor bubble. I can pray. I can pray for the people I know that are not as privileged. I can pray for the people I know that do not have the kind of relationship that I have with my creator. I can be in anguish for these people while praising God for what he has done for me. This is my prayer

Abba Father, Thank you for caring for me so much. Thank you for granting me this life. Thank you for giving my the opportunity to learn from my life and the comfort I take for granted. Thank you for working in my life and helping me realize what youask of me. To be you on this earth where so many struggle in ways I could never imagine. I ask that you make me anguish over my brothers and sisters who do not know you the way I do. I ask that you be with them. Walk them through this difficult life. Let them know that you are there and even though I am small and can do so little, I am there as well. Make me be more like you so I can be your hands and feet here on this earth. I can do nothing without you, my father and creator.

What Makes Us Worthy?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about prayer and solitude. This is mainly because of the bible studies that I have been going to. These are times when I get to put work, school and my social life completely aside and focus only on God. Last week we talked about prayer and how it is so important to be bluntly honest with God. He already knows what we are thinking and feeling, so why not say it to him. At first I thought, well if he already knows then why do we have to tell him. But if you think of it like a parent and a child it helps. A father knows his son loves him but it makes it so much better when his son says it. Or a mother who watches her daughter play all day and knows exactly what she is doing loves it at the end of the day when she tucks her daughter in bed and gets to hear all about her adventurous day. God may know but he still wants to hear it from us.

But what about those hard things in life that we really don’t want God to know about? What about those horrible thoughts toward a coworker or sibling? We don’t want to admit them to God. But what makes us worthy to try to hide things from our creator? What have we done to be considered worthy? Have we given life? Have we created something from nothing? Have we died on a cross? No! We haven’t! But God has. He has done these things and so much more. We have no right to keep anything from him. And really what’s the point? He already knows.

Another topic that has come to my attention is solitude. The dictionary defines it as the state or situation of being alone. So when I am in my room and my roommates are at work and class I am in solitude? Yes, as the world would see it. But as a Christian it is so much more. To me, to be in solitude is not being alone at all. It is spending time with my God, my creator, just me and him, talking about…everything. These times are the best. I sit in complete silence and listen for God. Sometimes he may not “come” but I always feel a sense of complete surrender and assurance. These are the times that get me through. These times talking to the one “person” who actually gets me better than I get myself. I mean he did make me.

The other night after I did my devotions I started to write down my prayer like I often do. But this time I couldn’t do anything but worship my creator. I wrote for three pages…nonstop…in worship. This is what came out:

Lord, you are my portion. You are everything I need. I worship you with all that is in me. The day your son died for my sins is sacred. I praise you for this. For showing me such grace. I thank you that you find me worthy. I thank you for making me who I am. Jesus, lover of my soul. Jesus, I will never let you go. I love you…I need you. My savior, my closest friend. I will worship you until the very end. You’ve taken me from the miery clay and set my feet upon the rock. Now I know…I love you…I need you. Though my world may fall I’ll never let you go. I’ll worship you my Lord…until the very end. You are all I need. You are my everything. Make yourself dominant in my life. Make yourself known in my life and all that I do. You are the lover of my soul! I praise your name. I have nothing to ask of you. You have already done more for me than I can even express. I just want to worship you. You complete me Lord in a way I could never find on earth and for that I thank you. In Christ alone, who took on flesh, fullness of God in helpless babe. He is my light, my strength, my comforter, my all-in-all. Here in the love of Christ I stand. ‘Til on that cross as Jesus died the wrath of God was satisfied. For every sin on him was laid. Here in the death of Christ I live. As he stands in victory…sins curse has lost its grip on me. I am his and he is mine. Bought with the precious blood of Chirst. No guilt in life, nor fear in death. This is the power of Christ in me. Jesus commands my destiney. ‘Til he returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I’ll stand! You are my all Lord. I praise your holy name. And I thank you for all you do for me everyday. I love you with all that I am.

Chains Be Broken, Lives Be Healed

Wow, so much has happened in my life since my last post. I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve been in school now for a month, and in that month I have learned so much. My schedule is so busy that sometimes I forget to think. I’ve been learning a lot about myself through it, though. Classes are going well. I have started my photography classes which I am very excited about. Everytime I go out to shoot I am reminded why I am doing this. I love it so much and can’t wait to learn more from my professor as well as what God has been teaching me through it.

Speaking of God, he has done some awesome things in the past month. I am learning how important it is to love without expectations. I have been meeting with Ron Kopicko, SAU’s chaplain, and have learned so much from him. I have also finally found a church that I really enjoy. The only problem is that it is in Holt, which is 30 minutes away. I go when I can but watch services online a lot too. I am learning how important it is to have a servant heart. I have been focusing a lot on this lately. I went on Spring Arbor’s Spriritual Life Retreat this past weekend and God reinforced what he has been teaching me. It was a great weekend of fellowship with other students as well as time with God.  There are 3 verses that God has been using to speak to me.

Mark 10: 43-45: Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever want to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Matthew 23:11, 12: The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbledm and whoever humbles himslef will be exalted.

Philippians 2:5-8: Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross.

Pray that God continues to show his presence in my life and that I continue to listen. I praise God for what he has done in my life. I know I would not be the person I am today if not for him.

More Adventures on the Horizon

I have been home now for two weeks. In those two weeks I have been preparing myself for my next adventure: the trip back to Spring Arbor. I am very much looking forward to this. I love school and can’t wait to start up again. I am living with two very good friends which I am excited about and I am starting a new job. I am be working in the Admissions office as a U-Guide. I will be assisting the Reps that are the contacts for high schoolers looking at SAU. I feel as though this job may be a bit of a challenge for me but I am very much looking forward to it. It will definitely be different than my previous job in Ohio. Being a U-Guide will take some getting used to but I think I will very much enjoy it this year.

Another new thing this coming year is that I finally get to start my actual photography classes. I am overjoyed about this! I love photography and always have but have never gotten the chance to be trained professionally. I also recently got in contact with an non-profit here in Holland called Poetice, that does AIDS awareness through forms of Art. This is what my passion is and so to be able to get a contact like this,  this early, is very exciting. I pray that God uses this in my life to continue to show me what it is I am here to do. I continue to trust him with everything and am constantly blessed. I pray that the things that God has shown me and how he has helped me to grow this summer will be evident in my life as I go back to school.

As The Summer Comes To An End

Today is my last Monday at camp. And this week is my last week. I am not sure how I feel about this. It has been a long summer and I am ready to go back to school, but I love it here. Camp has changed my life. God does amazing things in the lives of campers as well as their counselors. I know that I have met many young people that had I never met them I would not be the person I am today. For this reason I do not really want to leave this wonderful place in the hills of Ohio.

I have two weeks at home before I move back to Spring Arbor to train for my new job. I am very excited for this but it will be a change going from gym shorts, t-shirts and flip flops to skirts and heels. I am looking forward to the challenge though. It will be awesome seeing how God works in my life in a whole new environment.

As I end this week pray that God gives me the strength to end strong. It is turning out to be a trying week and I need encouagement. Pray that I remember everyday why I am here and that it is not for me but for God’s glory. There are many girls here that need God’s love and mercy. Pray that I work at showing them that and that God works through my life.

Everyone is a tool for God

I only have 2 weeks left of camp. I can’t believe that it went so fast. I’m pretty sure I am going to be in camp withdrawl for the two weeks that I am home. I am really excited to go back to school though. God has taught me so much this summer and I can’t wait to share it with people outside of camp, and continue living with these lessons at school.

Last week was definitely one of my best weeks. The girls in my cabin were amazing. It was a high school week again, and if you know anything about me you know I love high schoolers. These girls taught me so much. They had a spirit about them that refreshed me so much. It was definitely needed to finish off the summer well. Another thing about last week that made is awesome is that the band Willet came to camp for the week. They led worship for us at our chapels, spent time with the kids at all the activities and ended the week with a concert. Willet is a Christian Rock band. They are 3 borthers and a friend who have such big hearts for people. They are doing a lot of work in Africa. God definitely used them to reaffirm to me that Africa is where my heart is. I can’t wait to see where God leads me, but somehow I know it will have something to do with the people in Afirca.

As the summer ends, I ask that you pray for me to finish strong. I can feel the strain of the summer coming down on me. Pray that God continues to give me strength and that I give it all to him. Everything that has been done here at camp and everything that will be done in the next two weeks, is only because of his presence here. Pray that I do not think too much about the school year coming up but I stay focused on what is going on in my life right now. Pray that I give it all to God and remember that he is in control and I have no reason to worry.

Matthew 11:28

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

So it’s been a while. And let’s just say that I have had a crazy couple of weeks. God works in mysterious ways and he is definitely doing that in my life this summer. When I heard about Morgan’s death, it literally shook me to the core. I was angry and sad and questioned God a lot. But through it all He really taught me to trust Him. Although it is sad that Morgan and Hannah are gone, I can’t wait to see how God will use Jordyn’s life. He made it clear to me that he kept her alive for a purpose and I am so excited to see what it is. 

I was able to see my parents this weekend which was very nice. But even though I really enjoyed my time with them, I found myself missing camp and the people I work with. I absolutely love it here and we only have 4 weeks left. I am excited to go back to school but (can’t believe I’m saying this) I will miss Ohio. God has done amazing things in my life over the past 7 weeks. 

As week 6 of camp starts please pray that God will continue to work in my life, even if I don’t understand or question him. Pray that I will end the summer strong and have just as much enthusiasm and excitement as the first week of camp.

Home Away From Home

I have been at camp now for a total of 33 days. It feels as though I have been here for 3 times that. This has become my home away from home. I have many of those but to have one that is a small cabin in the woods, with water that smells of eggs, a bunk that could quite possibly collapse any day, and new groups of middle and high school girls moving in every week is not what I would have pictured as home 2 months ago. But I absolutely love it and can’t believe I only have 6 more weeks here. (Even though I’m in Ohio!)

Being here sharing Jesus with these kids has been such a blessing. I seriously think that I have the best job. Not only do I get to know the girls in my cabin but because I go around with all the cabins to take pictures I get to know all the kids in teen camp. I love this. I also get to be involved in all the activities. I have been blessed so much by this. I have learned more from a bunch of 11-15 year olds than you would believe. When people used to say to me have faith like a child, I didn’t really understand what they meant. But I do now. And I have grown so much because of it. I seriously think that everyone should work at a camp at least for one summer. You learn things at camp that are not taught anywhere else. 

Although I am having such a great time, I still need prayers. I have grown in God but the devil is still trying to tug at my heart. Please pray that I will continue to trust in the Lord  and he will continue to show himself to me. I pray that I will be able to impact lives this week and the weeks to come. Also pray for all the other staff here at camp. It is week 4 and we are all feeling the strain from life at camp. But God is an awesome God. He called each one of us here and he has big plans for our lives.

Blessed in Ohio

Another week under my belt. And by how tired I am you can tell. We had middle schoolers this week and will have middle schoolers for the next two weeks. It is quite a transition going from high schoolers to middle schoolers. I don’t really remember my mind set in middle school so I found it hard to connect at times. But all went well and we made through the week. God has been teaching me so much these past two weeks. I can’t wait to learn even more over the rest of the summer.

I was able to go home with a friend from camp over the weekend, and that has been a blessing. You learn to appreciate a real bed and a real shower when you go with out them for 3 weeks. So far, the summer has had challenges but I have been blessed in so many ways. God is doing amazing things in my life. I do ask for prayers though. I ask that you pray that I continue to let God work in my life and to use me as his tool to work in the kids lives. There are so many kids that come to camp who just need to be shown God’s love. I pray that I will be able to show them this and to be an example for them.

Exhaustion Comes on a Friday

Well I am officially a camp counselor. I made it through my first week, but only because I had awesome girls in my cabin. They taught me a lot and I will never forget any of them. It is amazing how much love you feel for 7 girls that you just met 5 days ago. The week definitely had its ups and downs but I made it though and now I know that I will be able to make it through the summer.

The girls came on Sunday evening and things kicked off right away. We had dinner around in the cabin circle with the other cabins and then headed down to opening ceremonies. It is tradition at opening ceremonies that each of the teen cabins wear something to make them stand out. My cabin, Emuna United, wears their bathing suits over their clothes. It was great fun. Also Erica, Jenni and I gave the girls all bandannas to decorate and wear all week. They really enjoyed this.

The theme for the past week was The Crux. This is the hardest part of the climb for rock climbers and it is also another world for the cross that Jesus died on. The week was about challenging the kids spiritually and physically. The cabins all competed against each other to win a trophy that will have their name engraved on it. They competed through the games that they played at night as well as the activities they did during the day. For example on the rock wall there are bandannas velcroed in different places and as the kids climb they have to get the bandannas. Once they get to the top they them in for bean bags that they drop as they go down the zip line. In archery points were awarded to kids who hit the targets, which is harder than it sounds. At the end of the week the points were added up and my cabin came in second! They were only beaten by ONE of the boys cabin. My coes and I were so proud of them!

Although the week was awesome I have never felt so exhausted. I gave more of myself this past week then I thought possible. And now I am preparing to do it all again starting tomorrow. I ask for your prayers that God will continue to give me the energy I need to show these girls his love. Also that I will not get frustrated when things do not go how I had wanted and that I will be able to give it all to God and not let myself get in the way.